A few years ago, the Washington Post, that distinguished, award-winning newspaper, sponsored a contest that asked readers to supply alternate meanings for various words. The Post’s readership proved to be extremely witty and creative. Following are some of the winning entries:
- Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
- Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
- Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
- Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
- Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
- Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly
answer the door in your nightie.
- Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
- Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
- Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
run over by a steamroller.
- Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
- Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
- Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
proctologist immediately before he examines you.
- Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
- Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
- Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up
on the roof and gets stuck there.
- And let's add ... Pokemon (n), a Jamaican proctologist.
The Washington Post and other publications will be the subject of our next post. We’ll discuss some of the errors made covering the war against terrorism. For instance, do you you know what’s wrong with these terms: last rights; enroute; Afghani? You’ll find out in the next post..
In the meantime, if you have questions or comments, contact me here (which seems to be impossible) or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.